Where Your Treasure Is

Why is monetary value the main metric used to determine success in America? Why do the economy, profitability, and materialism stop us from making moral decisions? When did I begin to internalize the lies of my colonizer culture?

I used to be wiser when I was a foolish teen, determined to live a life of purpose and substance, rather than chasing the tail of the Conqueror Worm. My twenties and early thirties have been plagued by the idea that my life’s value should be based on my: earnings, fame, position, and buying power. Trying to find my value, or any REAL substance to viewing the world through the cold lenses of Global Economics, almost killed me.

Today I know I need to learn. I need to root out and destroy the colonizer narratives in my mind which keep me from seeing the world as sacred, or at the very least, blessed. Reducing everything in life to dollars and cents strips it of any deeper, fuller meaning. I have been turning my attention away from the marketplace, its priests, and the endless scramble for more at the expense of other people’s lives, not to mention the life of this planet. I am beginning to read and listen to voices much wiser than myself, and who are not a part of my toxic culture.

The voices of those who have been crying in the American wilderness are my new school. I have begun reading books by American Indian authors about their history and culture. I am listening to The New Jim Crow about how our legal/prison system functions to trap mostly male African Americans into a life with no escape and no freedom. I read accounts of refugees and migrant workers who only want to provide a life free from fear or hunger for them and their families. I am learning how my passive silence is an active vote for the status quo. It is time for me to repent.

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¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” –Matthew 6:19-21 

Jesus said to his disciples, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” He was teaching about how hoarding physical things, and obsessing about them, limits our freedom and ability to love. When I treasure fame above all else, my heart can only focus on how I don’t HAVE any fame and how I can GET that fame. When my treasure is my bank account, my heart will think FIRST about money and the economy rather than justice, or grace, or mercy. Where my treasure is, that becomes my worldview. And it is a sad worldview indeed that only sees things in terms of something imaginary like money.

Churches I grew up in would only focus on the “treasures in heaven” section of the teaching and completely lose the point. To them the “good works” we do as Christians here will furnish our mansions in heaven with all the best stuff heaven has to offer. It was a very vague layaway plan and still focused on a materialistic vision for heaven and faith. How exactly did one “store up treasures in heaven”? Did converting someone equal a new heavenly couch or King-of-Kings-sized bed? Would I earn more treasure in heaven if I supported one political party over the other? What if Jesus, or more precisely Matthew’s recollection of Jesus, wasn’t talking about LITERAL treasure?

Thank the Lord I moved beyond this closed, transactional understanding of faith years ago. In my exit from a toxic, Nationalistic version of Christianity have found many vibrant, open, and socially-conscious communities of faith to join. I have learned to call the way I was taught to view the world as evil. The good things of this good earth are sacred and need to be protected, and so should human life, dignity, and livelihood.

Jesus speaks a lot about the Kingdom of Heaven in all four Gospels. It elevates the poor, the broken, the marginalized, and the forgotten. It is a realm of grace where “the last shall be first and the first shall be last.” The apostle Paul rightly described the people and hierarchy of this Kingdom as being radically egalitarian, “There is no more Jew nor Gentile, slave nor free, male nor female, but all are one through faith in Christ Jesus.” It wasn’t about materialism at all. Heaven, and its treasures, is a counter-narrative to the grasping, groping, blind-greediness of our corporate Imperial impulses.

For readers who have tasted and found that the “living” water of many churches is poisoned with evil, I get it. So let me phrase “the Kingdom of God” in another way, the things that mattered most to you when you were a child, those are the things we need to protect, uphold, nourish, and celebrate: friendships, pets, good food, good sleep, a safe home, family, wonder, joy, laughter, helping, conversing, imagining, dancing, sharing, cooperation, exploring, and more.

Heaven isn’t a McMansion in the sky. Heaven is wherever we experience love, grace, and peace. Love, grace, and peace are impossible to monetize without distorting them. My heavenly treasures are those things that cannot be stolen or destroyed: the love I share with my family and friends, the grace I receive from other people, and the peace I experience during the quiet valleys of silence during a great conversation. Slowly, ever so slowly, I am returning to a place of right thinking and banishing the colonizer mantra of “money and things first” from the central pillar of my psyche.

I know this is the right path to take and I know it means standing with people who are suffering. But, that is where my treasure is, and, thankfully, so is my heart.

 

 

Just As I Am?

Vulnerability and authenticity are popular terms I hear often in the workplace and on social media. Thanks to the pioneering work of Brene Brown, and other researchers, the idea of finding strength in our perceived weaknesses is gaining traction. It sounds good. It sounds brave. It seems like we are on the cusp of something real and life-giving blooming in our business cultures. But can an embrace of vulnerability curb the damaging effects of a capitalistic system rooted in psychopathic behavior?

Embracing vulnerability and authenticity as a culture does have the power to shift conversations from “money first” to “people first.” However, I don’t believe the economic systems in American Capitalism are at all interested in the well fare of people in general. Capitalism, after all, is inherently a system that rewards psychopathic behavior. Weaknesses are to be exploited. Shortcomings are not tolerated. Mistakes are not acceptable. To the American Capitalist, people are merely resources to be spent or acquired. Embracing the strength of vulnerability will not cause these systems to change; it will lead to their destruction.

American capitalism has infected large segments of the American church. Mission becomes all about the numbers of members and “saved.” Church leaders think more about returns on investment than on feeding the spiritual needs of congregations. I have been hard pressed in these churches to find sermons about giving all your earthly possessions to the poor or hear one of Jesus’ parables and sermons on the wealthy exploiting the poor. Instead, this model of capitalism has taken and twisted most American evangelical Christian churches into Conservative American Nationalistic Evangelicalism (CANE). And just like capitalism, CANE exploits the vulnerable and crushes the authentic all the while rewarding the psychopathic tendencies of its leaders (until such a time when a scandal inevitably happens).

Most of my youth and early adulthood were deeply connected to this form of Evangelicalism. I was raised as a homeschooled kid in the fundamentalist churches of the WELS (Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod, incidentally I never lived in Wisconsin) and “rebelled” against it in High School by getting involved with a cross-denominational youth group. I was drawn to the youth group by their messages of love and acceptance. I was enchanted by the idea of a Jesus who loved us “just as we were” and wanted us to be honest about our struggles with sin. A good Lutheran boy like me wouldn’t do the “dedicate my life to Jesus” altar call, but I wanted to be embraced by a community of people blessed by this expression of the Christ:

Be honest and Jesus will love you. 

However,

Don’t expect his church to do the same.

It is a classic bait and switch. Converts are sold a story of acceptance and love from Jesus after being encouraged to be honest and vulnerable, only to “give their lives to Christ” and immediately get ushered into systems of guilt, shame, and control. There is little or no freedom in this form of Christianity. New and old believers struggle daily with the anxiety of not knowing if one is truly saved. For example if a believer is struggling with faith, wealth, or health, it must’ve been something they did like cursing, masturbating, or voting Democrat.

When I shared my struggles as a normal teenage boy to church leaders like, ”How do I deal with all these sexual thoughts and hormones coursing through me?” I would immediately be told I was sinning and had to change. I needed accountability partners. I needed more prayer. I was told that this loving God could take his love away if I didn’t shape up. The gift of grace was conditional after all, convert beware.

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Thanks to people in my life outside of CANE and the Bible itself, I have placed a lot of daylight between these damaging theologies and myself. I once thought by modeling vulnerability I could help change churches, youth groups, and Christian institutions. Instead, what changed was myself.

Vulnerability and authenticity are transformative practices. Being a safe, open person means embracing messy humanness and being willing to be wrong. Yeah, I am a mess. I fail to care for myself. I still fight deeply ingrained cultural messages of misogyny, racism, and homophobia. I ghost friends and passive aggressively react to stressors. However, my shortcomings do not define who I am anymore, instead they describe lessons I am learning and healing that needs to be completed. Grace needs to be internal as well as outward.

Honesty and vulnerability are key components to personal healing and transformation. I choose to move in the world as authentically as I can, wearing my heart on my sleeve, if only to inspire and encourage others on this journey. It is not an easy thing to do, but it is much more natural for me than faking a smile or filling my LinkedIn profile with buzzwords and business articles I would never read. I’m exhausted by the plastic aesthetic of this current moment. Give me something raw and real. I will do my best to do the same.

“Just as I am, without one plea.” Here I am.